The Way of the Jaguar – Chapter Five

The pounding in Will’s head felt like it was getting worse. I need to stop thinking, he said to himself as his mind swam from memory to memory or was it from illusion to illusion? In his current state, it was hard to tell the difference.

How can I remember before I was born? Will mused. Maybe it’s just the hit I took to my head? Or maybe there is something even more seriously wrong with me? Is it possible that I’m having a mental breakdown? he wondered. Did I scramble my mind when I hit my head? Maybe I have schizophrenia or some other mental condition. Will didn’t know much about it, but something told him this couldn’t be right. His memories were so real. At least they were real to him.

“Have you ever heard of someone being able to go places in their mind?” He asked Henry. “Tell me more,” Henry replied cryptically. Despite his misgivings and embarrassment, Will once again found himself pouring out his deepest secrets to Henry.

“When I was a child, I could fly,” he blurted out. “Or at least I believed I could.” He told Henry the story of lifting off the ground and traveling to anywhere he wanted to go. Will shared his childhood ability to foresee things and how he could travel to distant locations and remember things and places he had never seen before, down to the most minute of details.

Will went on to share his memory of being one with the light before he was born and his fear of joining in the nightmarish vision of suffering he had witnessed in the world. He told Henry of his outlandish idea that his purpose was to bring love, healing, and light wherever he went.

Even as Will said this, he felt shame and embarrassment at the absurdity of it all. “You probably think I’m bat shit crazy, don’t you,” he said, squinting as he looked at Henry through pain filled eyes. Henry looked at Will with a gentle smile and said, “We’re all a little crazy, my friend. But I don’t think you are wrong about your purpose.”

Henry continued, “Seeking to find and live out our truest purpose is the most important journey any of us will ever travel in this lifetime.”

“In our world, many think their purpose is to be successful, or to be thin and attractive, to find fame and love, to become influencers or thought leaders, to gain wealth, live in luxury, and retire with enough money to live comfortably. This version of purpose and meaning is the teaching of our times. It obscures human potential, our deepest purpose and keeps us in line. It is our collective fairy tale.”

He went on, “It is how marketers sell us everything from cars to weight loss programs and how the credit card companies get us further and further into debt. And how the government keeps us paying our taxes.”

“You almost had me there on meaning and finding purpose,” Will said, “but don’t tell me you are one of those anti-capitalist extremists. Is that why you are living out here in this mud hole?”

“I live out here not because of any disagreement with capitalism. Systems of government and economics will come and go as they always have. My purpose is to be in loving communion with the Great Spirit at the core of all things. I find it most easy to do this when I am alone in the forest.”

Oh great, thought Will. This guy really is a nut job wacko.

Will didn’t have the energy to be nice, so he blurted out, “Can you hear how crazy you sound, old man? Who would want to live alone in the forest with next to nothing, trying to connect with some mysterious great spirit? 

“When we get out of here, I can take you to the homeless shelter downtown. Do you need money or food? You clearly need shelter. Maybe I can help you get back on your feet. Do you have any family I can call?”

Henry smiled gently and replied, “All I need, I have right here. My wealth is in the beauty of the natural world. My family are the birds, animals, and the living spirit of the forest. My food is to live in loving harmony with the Great Mystery, the one that goes by many names. My purpose is to allow Universal Spirit to flow and live out its life through me. I am much richer than you can ever imagine.”

As Henry said this, his eyes brightened with strength and purpose. Will felt an overwhelming love and peace emanating from the man. Henry’s face radiated with power. Maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him, but Will could have sworn that he saw glowing light and massive energy rippling from Henry’s body. For the second time in Henry’s presence, a chill ran up Will’s spine. This is getting super weird, Will thought. What have I gotten myself into?

Seeing the fear in Will’s eyes, Henry said, “Just rest, be at peace and let go of your worried thoughts. Everything will become clear to you soon.”

Henry moved closer to the fire, where a kettle hung above the flames.  He stirred the contents, removed the kettle, and set it on a small hand-hewn table a few feet away from the fire to cool. “There are many layers of existence, some things we cannot see or understand with our rational minds. If you want to know the true nature of things, you must go deeper. To seek the truth requires courage. You must move beyond your limited perspective.”

“What do you mean by the true nature of things? I don’t believe in ghosts or spirits. I believe in well-researched scientific discovery, not some woo woo mumbo jumbo,” Will retorted.

“Isn’t the scientific method just a tool for uncovering the great mysteries of our universe? Isn’t the purpose of science to reveal what has been hidden? Just as there are many fields of scientific experimentation, there are many ways to seek the truth of the universe and the truth at the core of your own being.”

Will had the crazy thought that he had already fallen down the rabbit hole. He laughed at the absurdity of his thoughts as he imagined that Henry was the Mad Hatter. “I have to be honest, Henry. Sitting here in this cave with you, getting lost in the forest, the pain in my head, this whole crazy adventure feels totally absurd. It’s all just a bit too weird.”

With an amused grin, Henry said, “You think this is weird? It could get a whole lot weirder. You will one day come to realize that the reality you have been living in is the true illusion. It all feels real and normal, but as you said, in your so-called normal life you also feel lost and like life is meaningless. Don’t you think that there must be something more? Aren’t you the same Will who thought he could fly and travel great distances by going to a place in his mind?

“Are you up for a little more adventure?”

“What do you mean?” Will said as he let out a nervous chuckle. 

“I’m talking about an adventure of the mind and spirit into the depths of true reality, a journey of the soul.” Henry lifted the kettle, stirred the contents again, and then poured the pungent, earthy-smelling liquid through a coffee filter into another container. 

The tingling in Will’s spine intensified and he felt like running as he thought, I should probably get up and try to find my way back. Still, against his better judgment, he heard himself say, “Okay, Old Man, we’ve come this far; I’m game; why not go on a journey of the soul.”

Henry poured the brownish-red liquid into two small cups, held one in each hand, and prayed over the contents. “Wise and powerful plant medicine, lady of the earth, we honor your strength and beauty.

“We respect your power and intelligence and ask that you would bring enlightenment and safety to us on our journey of discovery.”

Henry stared intently at Will for a long moment.

Will involuntarily squirmed under Henry’s piercing gaze. He had the uneasy feeling that Henry could see deep into his mind, read his hidden thoughts, and see things that Will had kept from everyone, including himself.

“Do you honor and respect the power of this sacred plant medicine? Does she have permission to share her secrets with you?”

Will nodded nervously.

“Then drink,” Henry said, pausing before handing him the cup.

“But be warned, the lady’s power is immense. She has no equal and cannot be controlled. Her mind and will are her own.

“If you respect and honor her, if you come to her with openness and humility, the plant may open a gateway into a deeper reality. She may teach with gentle kindness, or she may bring intense suffering.

“Once you drink, she alone will choose your experience. She will give you what she knows you need. There is no way to know what mysteries she will reveal. Except, should you choose to dishonor her, there is no doubt you will suffer greatly.” 

Will took a slow sip of the bitter concoction and nearly gagged before choking it down. With a slight smile of amusement, Henry sipped from his own cup, covered himself with an ornate blanket, sat cross-legged on the floor, picked up a handmade drum, and began softly drumming and chanting in an unknown language. 

After a few minutes, Henry reverently lowered the drum and placed it on a woven cloth then picked up what looked like a giant cigar, closed his eyes and spoke into it as if he were praying. He blew smoke over Will’s head. “This is for added protection and clearing,” Henry explained as he continued to blow smoke over Will’s entire body.

Will took another sip of the foul-tasting liquid, tolerating the taste a little better this time, and then lowered his cup. He felt a strong and peaceful energy fill his being as his mind quieted, and he started to lose focus. Will allowed himself to relax further into the mat and closed his eyes. 

Henry picked up the drum once again, this time intensifying the beat. Will began to feel the energy of his entire body aligning with the steady rhythm. He became acutely aware of his heartbeat as it accelerated to match the pace of the drumming. It was as if the sound of the drum and his body were linked. He felt his consciousness becoming one with the sound.

Henry began singing softly. Henry’s eerie, otherworldly chanting had a warm, somewhat nasal tone. Will guessed that it was probably some kind of Indigenous South American or Native American song, but the nasal quality reminded him of the sound of the didgeridoo of the Australian Bushmen. Will had heard the instrument played once on a National Geographic documentary. At the thought of the Bushmen, Will visualized the faces of several Bushmen elders from the documentary in stark detail. The bushmen were gazing intently into his eyes. An uncanny feeling came over him as Will sensed that they were somehow actually present and staring at him.

The images grew more vivid with each drumbeat. His mind began to swim as his thoughts took on a dreamlike quality. He had the sensation of lifting out of his body and floating just as he had when he was a child in the backyard.

As his spirit rose, even though his eyes were closed, Will could somehow see every detail of the candlelit room he and Henry were in. It was uncanny how intense the experience was. He saw the colorful threads on Henry’s blanket, the salt and pepper stubble on his jawline, and the reds, yellows, and blues of the flames in the stone fireplace.

In the back corner of the room, Will noticed an opening that went deeper into the earth. He sensed Henry’s spirit next to him as the thought “follow me” entered his consciousness. Henry was somehow able to communicate with him through thought transference. Strangely, this felt entirely normal. Henry led the way through the opening and deeper into the mountain. They began a slow descent into the lower world, the heart of the earth.