The Dance of the Sacred Drum ~ Jason’s Origin Story

I was five years old, standing in the candy aisle with my dad, who had just given me some change to buy my favorite candy bar, a Hershey’s chocolate bar with almonds. My hands shook as I stared down the aisle to the checkout counter. I so wanted to be able to walk down that aisle. I had the money. I had the candy in my hand, but I was so afraid, tears filled my eyes as I slowly backed away.

For my young self, the world of people was a frightening, trauma-filled place. Hiding was often the only way to be safe. At the time, my family was homeless, living off the grid and doing anything we could to survive. We were constantly on the move, living in the forest of the rocky mountain west, sometimes in our old car and sometimes in temporary shelters my father would build out of plastic sheeting or utilizing an old parachute he had found to create a tent for us to live in. 

We never stayed anywhere very long. We rarely had enough to eat, and my father, a former navy medic and an excellent marksman, would spend much of his time hunting for deer and small animals for us to eat. My parents would work odd jobs along the way and often left my siblings and me alone in the forest for days. My dad was an enigma of a man, at times profoundly caring and tender but at the next moment, flying into an uncontrollable rage. As a small child, I often experienced these extremes. 

One beautiful summer day in the forest, he grabbed me and threw me into a rapidly flowing river because I told him a lie. As I sank to the bottom, unable to breathe, I felt almost peaceful as the water rushed over me, instinctively accepting my end. Just then, he pulled me out and tenderly dried me off. 

My fear of him was immense. Experiencing his anger was to be avoided at all costs. Unfortunately, this was impossible, and the belief that I might face life-threatening harm at any moment planted a deep fear into the core of my being.

My refuge through all of this was the beauty of the earth, a feeling of kinship with the abundant wildlife, and the loving presence of the natural world. As a child, I would spend my days playing in the forest and talking to animals, including the bear, deer, and birds of the wilderness. 

When I was out there in the woods, I was not afraid. I was terrified of people, but the wilderness and my wild animal friends filled me with wonder and gave me a sense of belonging, peace, and joy. I felt connected to and loved by the animals and the forest. The healing power of our loving earth mother was all around me. 

Once when I was about two and a half years old, we were at the Grand Canyon. A group of Native Americans were dancing in full regalia near the canyon’s rim. My family stopped to watch, and as the tempo of the drumming and dancing increased, I pulled away from my mother’s hand and ran out into the middle of the dancers and joined in the dance, which somehow my body already knew. I danced with abandon; my heart filled with joy to be dancing with the beautiful people of the earth, moving my being to the healing power of their chants and drums.

At the time, I had no idea that the natural world was quickly vanishing, as were her wildlife and indigenous peoples. A great wounding of the earth, brought on by blindness, self-centered greed, hatred, and cruelty, was occurring, causing extinction, and destroying the planet. Of course, this great wounding of the earth mirrored my deep wounding, brought on by my family’s dysfunction and the brutal reality of generational trauma.

As is true of many, my ancestors passed down a legacy of pain and wounding. They also passed along many good things, including love, courage, and connection. Such is the nature of humanity. We are all beings of both light and darkness. We must learn to bring peace and balance to our light and shadow sides. 

After years of struggling with anxiety, trauma, and fear, I have learned much about how to pull myself out of the quicksand of emotional wounding. I have learned that there are no quick fixes, but the world is full of healing and light if we are courageous enough to face our pain.

I have spent a lifetime learning how to remedy and heal my wounded being and soul. Learning to overcome my past and let go of the pain without rejecting what was good in my family has been an enormous challenge. I have learned much from psychology, neuroscience, and many diverse spiritual and wisdom traditions. They have served me well in my career as a psychotherapist, coach, and healer.

However, despite the tremendous accumulation of wisdom and knowledge I have been blessed to receive in this lifetime, my most profound learning has come from the natural world and the deep spirit of love that is at the core of and permeates all things.

I have come to learn and believe that the healing of humanity and the healing of the planet are inexorably linked. As we become whole, conscious, and aware, we naturally become more compassionate and thoughtful beings who understand that we are part of a vast and beautiful ecosystem that needs and deserves our care.

 As we learn to love ourselves and those around us, we also learn to love the earth and the creatures who share this amazing planet with us. As we connect more deeply to our spiritual selves, we learn to love one another and access and develop a deeply loving relationship with the spiritual essence of the earth and the universe.

We are healed through relationship and connection, first with and within ourselves and then with all beings. By courageously facing our wounds, making peace with our story, and overcoming our past, we alter the course of history and, in the process, heal ourselves, our families, and our world.

I spent much of my life holding back from my purpose, repeating the pattern of fear, and safety-seeking that filled me that day in the candy aisle. I could almost taste the chocolate. I had the prize in my hand but was so afraid I froze and couldn’t bring myself to the counter. 

My dad was trying to help me overcome my fear that day. He knew he couldn’t do it for me. If I were to overcome my fear and anxiety, it would be my work to do. I left the store in tears that day but learned one of my life’s greatest lessons in that candy aisle. We will never achieve our most cherished goals if we cower in fear and wounding, and we will never take the risk to embark on a journey of profound purpose and meaning.

My profound purpose is to join in the work of bringing about the tremendous conscious transformation that is now arising in the world. I have dedicated my life to the healing of the planet and the healing of humanity. I will no longer let fear and wounding hold me back.

The future of the earth and the future of humanity are bound together in a sacred dance. We must embark upon this dance of healing and love for the sake of our children, our animal and plant relatives, and all beings in all places.

The healing dance has begun. The sacred drum has sounded, calling to all who would be whole and well. I invite you to join this healing dance to bring beauty, wholeness, and healing back into your life and into the world.